God, sex addiction, and sexual health

In Episode 10 of SA speakeasy, Grace Erickson and I discuss the significance of spirituality when treating sex addiction. Grace is currently one of the few, if not only, Catholic sex addiction therapists in the Seattle area. Some of the issues we talk about in this episode: 

Can God love me even if I repeat sexual sins?

The high number of men who lack meaningful friendships.

The deep guilt and shame of sex addicts.

The amazing strengths of our clients.

The real hope that sex addicts have to become sexually healthy.

What does the road to sex addiction recovery look like?

In Episode 9 of SA speakeasy, Bill Schuilenberg and I discuss the blueprint of sex addiction recovery. We make no bones about the length of the process and what it requires. We also revel in the true hope it offers for men and women who desperately want to overcome their sex addiction.

Some of the questions we discuss are:

Is sex addiction common?

What happens during the assessment portion of sex addiction therapy?

Why is the relationship between the therapist and the client so important?

What is one of the most difficult parts of sex addiction treatment?

How effective is group therapy?

How long does it take to overcome sex addiction?

Bill practices in Kelowna, British Columbia and his website is: https://www.wacs.ca

How do I restore trust with the person I betrayed?

A colleague brought this video to my attention, and I’m so thankful! This video concisely explains what it takes to earn your loved one’s trust again. It has to do with a consistent series of what he calls “micro-trusts.” After watching this short video, if you’d like to get to work on earning your loved one’s trust again, I’d love to help. But first, please watch!

How ‘Micro-Trusts’ Can Help Re-establish Trust after Infidelity from Affair Recovery on Vimeo.

When and how should I tell my partner about my affair and/or sex addiction?

This is such an important question, with many significant implications. Sometimes we want to tell our loved one to relieve our conscience. Sometimes we feel forced to tell. Other times we panic and we will say whatever to protect ourselves, or even our partner. Whatever the reason, there are effective ways to tell our partner, and absolutely ineffective ways to tell our partner. It’s crucial to know the difference!

In Episode 8, I interview Matt Kreiner from Bull City Psychotherapy in Durham, North Carolina. We discuss the ever important concept of the Formal Disclosure. We cover topics and questions such as: Dangers of staggered disclosure (telling information in separate chunks over time) If I disclose everything, won’t my partner leave me? What if I lose custody of the kids? What are the benefits in telling the truth? When should I tell my significant other? What does a formal disclosure meeting look like?

It’s our hope that this episode will give you valuable things to consider, that will eventually lead to you making the wisest choice possible. You can learn more about Matt’s work at www.bullcitypsychotherapy.com, or reach him at matt@bullcitypsychotherapy.com

What Christian Sex Addicts Need to Know

“I just need to pray more”

This may sound like the right, spiritual thing to say, but praying more rarely takes sex addiction away. In many cases, simply praying more leads to increased resentment towards God and increased shame in oneself. 

Heather Seguin of Clear Choice Counseling in Upland, CA joins me in discussing what Christian sex addicts need to know about the road to recovery. It’s an interview that we hope you will find helpful. Click here to listen to Episode 7 of SA speakeasy!

Why are Sex Addicts so Lonely?

Sex addicts often share that they often experience loneliness. What then happens is that they feel an urgent desire to get rid of this vague bad feeling. Porn, masturbation, prostitutes, massage parlors, voyeuring, any of these will do the trick. But then after the short euphoria, guilt and deadness set in. And they are back to feeling lonely.

Tony Ramynke (a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist in Newport Beach, CA) and I talk about this link between sex addiction and loneliness in the latest episode of SA speakeasy. Come take a listen if you are interested.

Episode 014 Honor Michael

Have you had an abortion? Whether you had an abortion long ago, or just recently, the shame and guilt can feel like it will never go away. Some women (and men) tell themselves they will take this secret to the grave.

I interviewed one woman who was willing to share her abortion story. She found healing, love and forgiveness, and I hope that her story will lead you to experience the same.

Things to Ask Before Popping the Question (Part 1: Communication)

As many of you know, I enjoy pre-engagement counseling quite a bit. If you’re not familiar with the term pre-engagement counseling (I’ll just refer to it as PEC for short), you can read more about it here. I enjoy PEC because we get to talk about topics that married people wish they would have talked over before marrying. So I’m going to start a series of short articles that highlight the key things to ask before popping the question.

I hope these will be of value to you, whether you are dating, or you’re a pastor conducting pre-marital counseling, or even if you are married and want to have more clarity about a topic.

Continue reading Things to Ask Before Popping the Question (Part 1: Communication)

Serving Diamond Bar, Chino Hills, Brea and Beyond!