Category Archives: Private Practice Ride Along

How to Get Referrals (Part 5: Podcasts)

Every now and then, I get an email or phone call from a prospective client who tells me they are seeking counseling from me because they heard me on my podcast. They often tell me that they feel they already know me because my voice has been talking to them through their earbuds or their car speakers. I “speak” to them as they are on their treadmill, on their slow commute, washing dishes, or shaving their facial hair. In a cool way, I have already built some virtual trust with them before ever meeting me. This goes a long way in helping a person decide who to go to for counseling.


I do get a tiny bit of revenue for my Same Boat podcast through monthly patrons. This podcast gets roughly 1000 downloads per episode. This number does not account for people who are streaming on Spotify or other means. I think big time money getters have podcasts that are wildly popular, maybe in the tens or hundreds of thousands. If I could find a way to get substantial revenue through podcasting, I would totally invest more time and energy into producing more consistent content. It would be a dream to split my work time between podcasting and seeing clients. But since that’s very far away, I do the podcasts when I can carve out time. It’s extremely enjoyable, though! I would have never dreamt that I would like doing it until I tried.

Difficulty of Taboo Topics

My SA speakeasy podcast is about sex addiction, and I average around 100 downloads per episode. I love being able to produce worthwhile content for people who struggle with porn or sex addiction, but it’s also a topic that is quite un-shareable, if you know what I mean. If I produce an episode about sex addiction, and post it on Facebook, it’s going to be difficult to find listeners who tag other friends. The topic is way too taboo. And so, it becomes nearly impossible to get publicity since the Facebook algorithm requires people to make comments and share to generate more buzz.

Should I Shut it Down?

I also have a forum in the SA speakeasy website, but to this date, no one has entered the forum to make a comment or ask a question. Again, I think it’s because the topic is too taboo. I am debating whether to keep going with the podcast and website, especially if the numbers show that not many people are listening or engaging. What do you think? I’d appreciate your feedback!


Have you ever considered starting a podcast? If so, I’d love to know what your topic might be, and answer any questions you may have. 

How to Get Referrals (Part 4: Psychology Today)

During the first 4 years of being in private practice, I think I had 4-5 clients who originally contacted me via Psychology Today (PT). That averages out to about 1 client per year. At a monthly membership fee of around $30, I still came out on top financially. But I did debate whether I should just cancel membership altogether at many times. I thought, how in the world do people get referrals through Psychology Today? All that changed in mid 2018. 


Starting mid 2018, I felt confident enough in my sex addiction training to market myself as a sex addiction specialist. The copy that I wrote in my PT profile was laser focused on sex addiction. I knew I had a word limit in the fields so I maxed out the sex addiction language. In addition, I advertised sex addiction groups, and betrayed partner groups, in PT. Guess how many people contacted me once I made the focus switch in PT? 17! This is 17 in less than 1 year! Not all of these 17 became my clients due to reasons such as insurance, cost, availability, etc. But still, this is a dramatic difference in initial contact.

People Seek Specialists

Sex addiction has been around for a long time, so I don’t attribute this increase in contact with some sudden rise in sex addiction. My theory is that those with specific problems want to see a specialist. I was tempted to check all the boxes in the specialty section. But then I realized that if I specialize in everything, then I specialize in nothing. So far, my ultra-narrowed focus has tripled or quadrupled the amount of calls/emails I get through PT. I no longer debate whether to keep my membership!

Let’s Dialogue

I’m very curious about your experience. I don’t want to assume that my experience is the same for everyone. When have you found an increase in your contacts through PT? What is your theory about why it increased? How do you feel about specializing

Office Update

I most likely have to pay double rent (Fullerton and Diamond Bar) for 2 months in order to secure this new office space in Diamond Bar, but it’s a decision I had to make. On the brighter side, it’s always exciting thinking of how to design an office space! Though it’s a small space, it feels airy because of the high ceilings and huge windows. I want to keep it feeling airy by not putting in too much furniture. So I’m selling much of my current office furniture and streamlining. I also cut costs by bringing in some armchairs from home!

How to Get Referrals (Part 3: My clients)

Around 20% of my referrals come from current or previous clients. I’m really trying to increase this percentage and here’s why: Clients can go into details about what it was like being in therapy and what they got out of it. Their friends will ask them very specific questions about the experience and the potential value of taking that risk and calling you. There’s no better person to speak to that experience and value than someone who actually benefited from you.

I’ll give you an example of what I mean. Here’s a scenario where someone asks their pastor for a referral:

  • Man: Pastor, I don’t know what to do. My wife found out I have a sex addiction and she’s on the verge of divorcing me. I can’t lose her, I can’t lose my kids! What should I do?
  • Pastor: Brother, so sorry to hear this, this is a real crisis. I hear Roy Kim is a sex addiction therapist, I recommend you give him a call.
  • Man: Does he do good work? How will he help me? Will he be able to fix me? Is he expensive?
  • Pastor: I know he went through a lot of training to become a sex addiction therapist, and we met several times, he seems like a great guy 😉

As you can see, the man in crisis will have intense and important questions that the pastor can guess at, but doesn’t know how to answer fully. Contrast this with a conversation with the same man and a friend who was/is my client:

  • Man: Bro, I don’t know what to do. My wife found out I have a sex addiction and she’s on the verge of divorcing me. I can’t lose her, I can’t lose my kids! What should I do?
  • My Client: Oh man, this is crazy, I was in the same situation. You gotta call Roy Kim, he’s the sex addiction therapist I go to.
  • Man: What? Seriously? Does he do good work? How will he help me? Will he be able to fix me? Is he expensive?
  • My Client: I think I’d be divorced right now if not for him. He assessed my addiction level, he taught me the tasks of recovery, he got me into a group, those group members are like my blood brothers now by the way, he completely coaches you to restructure your life. My wife had to see this full commitment or else she’d never be able to trust me again. I can’t guarantee it’ll save your marriage, that’s up to your wife, but if you stick with the program and do the tasks, you’re gonna see some massive changes. And dude I can’t believe you’re asking if he’s expensive, freaking sell your M5, eat Cup O Noodles, you’ll find a way to pay for it if your family and your legacy means something to you.

Do you see the difference between the 2 conversations? Your clients’ real stories of experiencing you are the difference maker. I’ll share what I’ve done so far to try to increase the percentage of referrals coming from my clients.

Business Cards

When a client achieves their therapy goals and I “graduate” a client, I give them one of my business cards and give them a specific call to action. I tell them, “My practice lives and dies on referrals. If there’s someone you know who could use my services, would you give them my business card?” I don’t say this to everyone. I say this only to the ones who have unmistakably benefitted from therapy. These people are the ones who reply, “Of course, can I take a few more cards? I already know who to give these to!” 


Sometimes, I ask a client to write an anonymous testimonial. I’ve asked this in particular to my sex addiction clients because of the shame attached to sex addiction. It is very difficult for someone to cross the threshold and seek treatment for sex addiction. But when a potential referral reads a testimonial from someone who has crossed that shame threshold, and actually gotten the results that they desperately want, it gives that extra boost in motivation to call me. Once I receive the testimonial, I put it on my website and on my Psychology Today profile and anywhere else where there is eye traffic.

Holiday Emails

One other thing I’ll share is based on the basic fact that it’s easier to get business from repeat customers than from new customers. Even when I have graduated a client who needed help with a particular issue, their needs may change in the future. I try to keep our relationship and my services fresh in their mind by sending them an email each Christmas and/or New Year. Here are some extra details:

  • I limit my words to holiday greetings and well wishes. I don’t mention anything about coming back to me for services.
  • I try to mention something personal that only we know from our conversations.
  • I send it only to the ones I had a particularly good therapeutic relationship with.
  • I briefly debated sending an actual card in the mail to give it a more personal touch, but I realized that would increase the risk of breaching confidentiality if the card were to get lost in the mail. (It would also take me forever to write those by hand!) I know that email is not entirely secure either, but it was my primary way of correspondence with them over our therapy time anyway, so I figured just to continue that method. 

Let’s Brainstorm Together!

I’d really like to hear some new ideas on increasing referrals from your own clients’ word of mouth. Please share them in the comments below! And if you know someone who’d like to ride along with this private practice blog journey, please encourage them to subscribe, thanks!

How to get referrals (Part 2: Other therapists)

Roughly 20% of the clients I see come from other therapists who recommend me. This number has been rising ever since I chose to sharpen my clinical focus on sex addiction. Having other therapists recommend you is powerful because of the trust that clients place in their therapist’s opinions. 20-25% is a significant percentage of incoming clients. What is the percentage for you? How do you increase the chance that other therapists refer clients to you?

My thoughts about this are similar to the thoughts I shared about getting referrals from pastors. If a therapist doesn’t know you, they won’t be able to trust you. If they don’t trust you, they will probably not refer you. Though this sounds simple, not all therapists know how to get to know other therapists. Moreover, some therapists do know how to get to know other therapists, but aren’t in a situation where they can invest the time and energy to get to know other therapists. This article is for the first group, not for the second group. I believe the second group will jump back into the networking pool once their situation allows for it!

Ways to Know Other Therapists

One of the best ways I know to get to know other therapists is to join a consultation group. This has been my winner by a landslide. I’m sad it took me 3 years to find this out. I hope my mistake will be your gain! I got licensed in 2014 and for 3 years, I focused only on doing my case work well. I was on an island, and I didn’t get many clients. Looking back, it’s easy to see why. Other therapists could not refer to me if they didn’t know who I was!

Much of this changed around August 2017, when I became part of a monthly consultation group with 2-3 other local therapists. We’re all within one city of each other which makes it very convenient, and we rotate our meeting locations. We talk about private practice issues, we bring up case questions, we bounce ideas off each other, and we also talk personally about our lives. It is so incredibly valuable to me, and I hope we can keep it going for a long time. We refer clients to one another often when we feel it would be a good fit. The specialties we cover are adoption, infertility, post-partum, Restoration Therapy for couples, EFT for couples, and sex addiction. I implicitly trust these colleagues according to their specialties because I have spent so much time with them. Our consultation group started with a simple question: Would you like to start a consultation group with me? After that, it’s just a matter of deciding logistics!

Another way to get to know a therapist is through a phone call or email or hand written note sent in the mail. I received a thoughtful note in the mail one day from a local therapist introducing herself and asking if I’d like to meet up and network. I responded with an invitation to attend our Asian Christian Therapist Meet/Greet in Brea, which she gladly did. This led to more conversations, and now she’s part of the consultation group I mentioned above! What started as a simple note from a stranger, developed into a trusted colleague whom I actively send referrals to!

Finally I’ll mention that joining dialogues on social media (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, blog posts) with other therapists can help other therapists get to know you. It’s not as effective as meeting people face to face, but it’s still something. The key is to actually join the dialogue so that people can get a feel for your voice, your mind, your heart, your niche. What are some examples of joining a dialogue? Things like asking questions, agreeing with an opinion and giving an example, respectfully disagreeing with an opinion and giving an example, even writing and sharing a brief blog article (300ish words?) is a form of dialoguing with other therapists.

 “I’m kinda scared”

I realize that sharing your voice is something that feels very risky and frightening. Culturally, as an Asian American, I’ve always felt like it wasn’t my place to say anything. I would leave the speaking to the alphas, the authorities, or the majority. But I finally got to a point where I felt my opinions and questions were valuable, too. And I started speaking (with a shaky voice!) and I realized I learned so much more about myself and about everything I was talking about because I joined the conversation. I believe you also have valuable opinions and questions, and I’d love to hear them! And if you share with a shaky voice, all the better 🙂

Oh Quick Update!

I signed the lease for an office in Diamond Bar! In my previous post, I said it was 300 sq ft, which ended up being totally wrong, it’s actually about 190 sq ft. Way off. It’s the office with the built in wood shelving. Not very big, but it’s still bigger than my Fullerton office. The other larger office was asking way too much for my budget. I’ll be moving in some furniture probably in mid July, and I’ll show you some pics along the way! 

Big questions about office space!

I was going to continue talking about referrals in this post but I have big questions about office space! Last week I applied for a few new office spaces in Diamond Bar (right at the edge of LA and Orange Counties) and I thought I’d share a bit of my thought process while I’m in the middle of it all. 

I have been in Fullerton ever since I got my license 4.5 years ago. It’s been really great so far. I chose Fullerton because of 2 reasons: (1) It’s close to where many Asian American families (my target population) make their home, and (2) the lease price was surprisingly affordable. It’s a 13×13 carpeted room with large windows taking up one whole wall. I love natural light!

It’s within a suite of 7 rooms occupied by other therapists, and we share a waiting room (with call buttons) and small kitchen. All taxes and utilities are paid, including Wifi, color printer/copier/fax usage, and unlimited paper supply. All for $685, a good value for Southern California.

A great location just north of downtown Fullerton
Really love our courtyard, complete w/ artificial stream lol
I love having my own space! I can arrange and decorate it according to my liking. Tans, blues, wood, greenery, and natural lighting. Oh and faux lamb wool pillows!

If everything is so great, why move office spaces?

A couple of reasons. First, my office is getting too small for groups. I run groups for sex addiction and partner betrayal. With all my furniture, I only have room left for 4 group members plus myself. I’d really like to have the ability to host 6-8 members per group. 

More importantly, I need to work closer to our daughter’s school. Her grandparents have been amazingly generous with their time and energy, picking her up from school and babysitting her until my wife finishes work at 6pm. There have been times, though, when they’ve been unable to pick her up, forcing us to ask a family friend to pick her up instead. I’d rather not put that responsibility on others if I can help it.

An added bonus of moving my office closer to her school is that if I move it to a specific zone within Diamond Bar, I can enroll her in the Walnut Unified School District, our preferred school district.

And so I have been searching for a bigger office in Diamond Bar, maybe in the 300 – 500 sq foot range, but I’ve been discovering that Diamond Bar does not have many small offices available. Many of their offerings are 1500 sq ft and larger. Thus the big questions: Do I overpay for a larger office? Do I extend my current lease and wait until next summer for more openings? I asked around if anybody would be interested in sharing office space with me in Diamond Bar but got no responses, which is not surprising because Diamond Bar is not a hotspot for therapy!

That leads to other big questions: Is moving to Diamond Bar bad for business? Would my clients drive extra distance to still work with me? Would new clients drive extra distance to start with me? At this point, I really don’t have an option. I am making a decision that prioritizes my family, even if it inconveniences my clients, current and potential. It’s a boundary thing, and it’s good for me to practice what I preach to my clients. We’ll see how things play out!

Natural lighting and built in shelving!

Earlier I said I applied for a few office spaces. Above is the first one. It’s about 300 sq ft, full service gross, which means everything is paid for except for internet/phone. They are asking $700/month, which is great considering it’s larger than my current space!

The other office I applied for is even better, but more expensive. It’s 490 sq ft, it has free usage of a conference room (which would be great for workshops), a full kitchen (the 1st office does not have a kitchen) and higher security. The list price is $1370/month but they said it’s negotiable. I asked for $900, and I’m guessing the price will land somewhere around $1100 or so. If they somehow accept my $900 bid, I’ll jump on it!

The free awesome conference room. My daughter tagged along for moral support!
Much larger and newer office. Large windows. And free desks if I want them. Smiley faces included 🙂

I should be hearing back from both leasing companies soon. I’ll update you on what I hear.

In the meantime, how do you like your office space? Are you thinking of moving your office? What are your big questions?

How to get referrals (Part 1: Pastors)

For this post, I tried thinking about how I’ve been getting referrals since starting my private practice in 2014. This thought exercise has inspired me to keep better track of my referral sources via spreadsheet. But for now, I have to rely on my best guesses from memory. I have some rough percentages to share with you:

  • Through pastors: 35%
  • Through other therapists: 20%
  • Through my clients: 20%
  • Through my podcasts: 15%
  • Through Psychology Today: 10%
  • Facebook Ads, Random flyers, other means: Nearly 0%

These percentages will differ from therapist to therapist. I plan to go through each of my percentages with you. Today I’d like to just focus on the top percentage – Pastors

As many of you know, I pastored for 8 years. 4 years with a youth group, and 4 years with an English Ministry, both stints at Korean churches. Over an 8 year period, I befriended dozens of pastors. I took classes with them in seminary, I collaborated with them at retreats and conferences, I played Halo with them at our pastors’ bachelor pad in Rowland Heights 🎮. Not only this, I had friends from college who went on to become pastors. And I get to meet other pastors through the pastors I already know. I cannot emphasize enough how significant it has been referral-wise to know pastors on a fraternally intimate level. 

Why are pastors an important referral source?

Each of these pastors shepherds anywhere from 15 people to 15,000 people. Oftentimes, congregants trust the recommendations of their pastor if they have a decent enough relationship. If a congregant approaches a pastor for a personal problem, the pastor may (1) counsel the problem themselves, (2) refer to a lay counselor within the church, or (3) refer out to a therapist they trust. Here’s the thing: if the pastor does not know and trust you, they will not refer people to you!

So how does a pastor get to know and trust you?

A cold call might work. You might find success if you email or call a pastor in your area and invite them to coffee/tea. It kind of depends on the willingness of the pastor. I have made cold calls before with pastors and established good relationships. This does not always translate into immediate increase in clients however. I think the client increase comes in complex forms, and the main thing is to establish, maintain and deepen pastor relationships.

SOLA Conference 2016

Speaking engagements at churches tend to bring immediate clients more often than not. The attendees listen to you teach on a topic that is important to them, and if they have benefitted from your teaching, you have earned enough trust for them to contact you for an appointment. The question is, how do you get a speaking engagement? I think it goes back to a pastor knowing and trusting you. They want to feel confident that what you teach will be good for their congregation, or else it will reflect poorly on them. Maybe for some of you, the bigger question is, can I overcome stage fright to do a speaking engagement at all!

Pastor/Therapist Networking Event 2017, held at Christ Central Southern California

Here’s an instant way for multiple pastors to get to know you in one sitting: a pastors/therapists networking event. I have set up several of these in the past in the Southern California area, and I look forward to setting up more. If you are in a different part of the country, I highly encourage you to try and set one up too! For sure, attending one of these events may mean having to drive more than you want, and probably to miss out on session revenue and/or family time. It’s a sacrifice. I believe it’s a sacrifice exponentially worth it. No cold calling needed. It’s just one 2 hour time block, plus driving time, to meet with multiple pastors. You can tell them directly what you specialize in, and answer any questions they may have. Face to face conversations are so crucial to building trust! 

Feed hungry pastors 🙂

Once you befriend a pastor, maintain and nurture the relationship. Ask them out to coffee periodically, ask them about their ministry, get to know them. Ask them if there’s anything you can do to serve their congregation better. Use discretion and keep healthy boundaries and meet in groups of 3 or more when possible if you are female and the pastor is male and married. Being beyond reproach never goes out of style!

Engage. Engage. Engage. I can then refer you to pastors!

Lastly, I’d love to be a referral resource for you as well. I would love to connect you with pastors. Because I know so many pastors, I get phone calls, emails or messages from them every week, asking me for therapist recommendations for this or that situation. I currently have a very small list of therapists that I refer them to with confidence. I have this confidence because I have gotten to know these therapists. I know their specialties, I know their personality. It feels so great when a pastor thanks me later for recommending a trusted therapist to them. They often tell me it was a great fit. And the only way I could have guessed it would be a great fit is if I really knew the therapist!


If you would like to become a go-to referral for a pastor who influences potentially hundreds of others, you have to do the hard work of trust building with that pastor. Try cold calling. Find speaking engagements. Jump on networking opportunities. Nurture pastoral relationships. Engage with our Facebook group and this blog so that I and others can get to know you and trust you more!

Here’s your chance to practice engaging

How have you gotten to know pastors better? Share an example of how pastor relationships have helped you get referrals!

The pros and cons of private practice

I remember when my private practice supervisor in San Francisco told me, “You have to learn how to market yourself.” I wasn’t quite sure what she meant at the time. I was so used to intake coordinators assigning me clients at my other 2 internship sites in the East Bay. People all over the community would call these sites based on their reputation in the community. I had very little trouble getting my weeks filled with clients. I’m glad my supervisor warned me, because 5 years into being licensed, I am still working hard to market myself, and learning new things about marketing all the time.

Do I regret my decision to go into private practice? One million percent “no.” I really love being in private practice. Honestly, though, I don’t have much to contrast it with, especially because I never worked with the Department of Mental Health. All I have to contrast it with is community counseling centers operated by large churches, and Glendale Unified School District, where I worked part time as a counselor. I do have friends who told me about the DMH paperwork they had to fill out, and about the types of clients they saw in DMH, but that’s about it.

This is what I love about Private Practice

The Flexibility!!

I love being able to set my own hours. Currently, on the days that I have evening groups, I choose to start seeing clients at 1pm. This means I can use the entire morning time to either exercise, run errands, or work on other aspects of my practice. On the days that I do not have evening groups, I choose to start seeing clients at around 9am, and finish seeing clients at around 3pm, and use the rest of the day to exercise, run errands, or work on other aspects of my practice. 

I get to choose when I go on vacation, and I do not have to get approval from a boss.

I get to choose which types of client cases I will accept, rather than having them assigned to me.

I get to choose what I will name my practice.

I get to choose where I will set up my practice.

I get to choose what my office looks like, its dimensions, its furniture, its look, its vibe.

I get to choose what things I will do on the side to supplement my private practice income, because again, I get to choose how many hours I will see clients in a day or week. This leads me to the other main thing I love about Private Practice …

The Scalability!

By scalability, I mean if the opportunity ever comes, I can make the practice (and the revenue) grow to any size I want. As I try a variety of things, there is always the potential that some aspect of the practice will become the sweet spot of high demand. This is what we are all striving for, for our service or product to be in high demand, and to attach a price for this service that matches its value. Being in private practice allows me to experiment with so many things that can eventually lead to this discovery.

What I do not like about Private Practice

Until I find the sweet spot, there will be discouraging and stressful times of limited clients. Oftentimes, this has little to do with whether we are a good therapist or not. That’s what is frustrating. The seasons of low clientele can make us question whether we are doing good work. If we add this self-doubt to the low revenue, that’s a double whammy. 

The unpredictable times of low income make it difficult to budget. 

Private practitioners need to supply their own health insurance. DMH often provides fantastic benefits, as well as a salary, and so budgeting is quite easy. 

Taxes and bookkeeping. Ugh. I really dislike this part of my work. It takes way more time and effort than I want it to, but I’m hoping that it gets easier over time.

Like I mentioned in the previous post, so far it’s been tough to become a sole breadwinner for my family through just seeing clients. I feel like I need to do something on the side (or found a group practice) in order to scale my business. The good thing is that I’m in a position where I can keep discovering what that something is!

I’d love to hear about your experience as well. Do my pros/cons resonate with you? What would you add to the list? Do you have a different experience? If you love NOT being in private practice, please share your experience! 

Ride along with me!

My name is Roy Kim, and I am a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Southern California. I am on a quest to make more money. This quest is extremely important to me. It’s on my mind more than I like to admit. Sometimes it keeps me from falling asleep. Other times it makes me distracted or sullen as my mind’s inner wheels turn and turn. Occasionally I will scold myself, saying, “You’re turning money into an idol.” But then the importance of the quest will revive again and so the cycle goes. Why is this quest so important to me?

The Reason I Want to Make More Money

I want to make more money so that my wife can afford to take a career risk. Before we got married last year, she was a single mom working her tail off to support her daughter. I’m so proud of her years of hard work and sacrifice. She counts her blessings that she has a job and that this job provides health insurance. But I know she’d rather pursue a career that maximizes her natural passions and skill sets. And I know she’d rather have the hours flexibility to spend more time with her daughter, who is now my daughter too 🙂 

The cost of living in Southern California is high. Not Northern California high, but still high. Though we technically have double income, our combined income doesn’t go very far in our region. My income alone for sure is not enough for her to take a career risk. My income also fluctuates monthly. We cannot depend on it, which makes me sad and even ashamed at times. Maybe even a bit angry. I have a bachelor’s degree, 2 masters degrees, I work hard at something I love, and I provide a service that enhances people’s lives. So why is it so difficult to provide for my family? I can feel my pulse rate quickening as I write lol. But rather than sitting here ranting, I’d rather take a different approach. 

Ride-Along With Me!

I want to try a variety of things that can potentially increase my revenue. And I invite you to ride along with me through this blog! Join me as I share with you what I’m trying, what worked for me, what didn’t work for me, why I think it worked, why I think it didn’t work. There will be times when I try something that didn’t work for me, but worked for you. And vice versa. If so, let’s have a discussion about it so that we can figure out the reasons for the different results. 

This dialogue will be essential to the ride-along experience.

In order to make this blog super relevant to you, can you send me some questions and/or tell me what you’re interested in finding out? For example, “How important has it been to have a website?” or “Where do you get your referrals from?” or “Is your office location important?” Anything that you’re curious about or debating, the more questions the better!

I hope you will subscribe to this blog and ride along with me! Let’s figure out how to actually make a good living doing what we love!